The Hollywood Gossip staff is proud to bring you Tale of the Tape, in which we break down prospective matchups within the celebrity world. The following battle has been brewing for years - and not just because of an on-field rivalry.

Since his trade to the Yankees in 2004, Alex Rodriguez has been a lightning rod (haha) for controversy, choking in the playoffs and boinking manly strippers. Star teammate Derek Jeter, meanwhile, just quietly does his (play) thing(s).

It’s so on. Which of these prime-time players will emerge victorious in a grueling, 10-round slugfest? Let’s find out. Ding, ding!

Who’s the better player - off the field - Derek Jeter or Alex Rodriguez?

1. MOST RIPPED GIRLFRIEND

Alex Rodriguez: Joslyn Morse / Alicia Marie (tie)
Derek Jeter: Jessica Biel
Edge: Jeter

2. MOST FAMOUS UNION

Alex Rodriguez: Soon-to-be dissolved marriage to Cynthia Rodriguez
Derek Jeter: Gabrielle
Edge: A-Rod

3. “FRIEND” SEEN MOST ON MTV

Alex Rodriguez: Madonna
Derek Jeter: Vanessa Minnillo
Edge: A-Rod

4. MEMORABLE TRADES

Alex Rodriguez: From Texas to New York for Alfonso Soriano
Derek Jeter: Mariah Carey for Jordanna Brewster
Edge: Jeter

5. HATED BY

Alex Rodriguez: Believers in the tenets of marriage
Derek Jeter: Red Sox fans
Edge: A-Rod

6. CAREER STATS

Alex Rodriguez: .306 BA / 536 HR / 1,553 RBI / 3 AL MVP awards
Derek Jeter: .316 BA / 199 HR / 296 SB / 4 World Series titles
Edge: Even

7. PREFERRED POSITIONS

Alex Rodriguez: On top / Up against wall
Derek Jeter: Shortstop / #2 hitter
Edge: Even

8. ALSO KNOWN AS …

Alex Rodriguez: The Face of Cocky, Spoiled Athletes; Blue-Lips
Derek Jeter: The Captain; Mr. November
Edge: Jeter

9. CONTROVERSIAL BALLS CAUGHT BY …

Alex Rodriguez: Candice Houlihan
Derek Jeter: Jeffrey Maier
Edge: Jeter

10. COMES …

Alex Rodriguez: [no comment]
Derek Jeter: … through in the playoffs
Edge: Jeter

THE VERDICT: As in real life, Alex Rodriguez might look superior on paper, but Derek Jeter quietly delivers in the clutch, pulling out a 6-4 win over his scandal-plagued Yankee teammate. Maybe next time, A-Rod.

Via [thehollywoodgossip]

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Latin superstar Luis Miguel and his wife, Aracely Arambula, gave birth to their first son together in January of 2007. Then, later that year there were reports that the couple were splitting up. But, now, Mariah Carey’s former ex-boyfriend is going to be a dad again. Hola! magazine is reporting that Miguel is expecting his second child […]

Latin superstar Luis Miguel and his wife, Aracely Arambula, gave birth to their first son together in January of 2007.

Then, later that year there were reports that the couple were splitting up.

But, now, Mariah Carey’s former ex-boyfriend is going to be a dad again.

Hola! magazine is reporting that Miguel is anticipating his second child with his wife.

That would be his third baby.

Miguel had an illegitimate child years ago. He only acknowledged her as his own after taking a paternity test last year.

Let’s hope their marriage lasts longer than Aracely’s pregnancy.

It would suck to bring a child into an unhappy marriage!

Via [Perezhilton.com]

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Mariah’s friends have it all wrong, Nick is a massive Hello Kitty buff Mariah Carey’s friends are giving the singer’s marriage to Nick Cannon “six months, tops.” Why? Because Nick’s a ginormous pussy. From Life & Style magazine: The insider claims that the reason behind that gloom-and-doom prediction is Nick’s need to do everything for his diva […]

Mariah’s friends have it all wrong, Nick is a massive Hello Kitty buff

Mariah Carey’s friends are giving the singer’s marriage to Nick Cannon “six months, tops.” Why? Because Nick’s a ginormous pussy. From Life & Style magazine:

The insider claims that the reason behind that gloom-and-doom prediction is Nick’s need to do everything for his diva bride. While Mariah likes being waited on hand and foot, that routine won’t work in the long run.

“Nick does whatever Mariah wants him to — he’s like her puppy,” the insider stated. “It seems like Nick spends more time in the stores with Mariah’s credit card than he does with Mariah herself. Mariah’s assistants and friends call him ‘Whipped Nick’ behind his back. They’ve little respect for him because he won’t stand up for himself.” (Source)

Can you blame Nick for being such a pussy? The last person to tell Mariah ‘no’ was this chick. You think a shark did that shit? Trust me, that was all Mariah. Besides, becoming a tiny bitch just to please your sugar mamma isn’t a new concept, it’s done all the time these days. See: Stedman, David Gest, and . . . what’s Rosie’s girlfriend’s name?

[BauerGriffinOnline]

Via [Celebslam]

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Get ready! A second Mariah Carey perfume is scheduled to hit the stores in September. It’s going to be called Luscious Pink by Mariah Carey. Not just pink, but LUSCIOUS pink! The new scent will have ‘notes of Tahitian tiare flower — just like the original M by Mariah Carey scent — but Mimi will change it up with […]

Get ready!

A second Mariah Carey perfume is scheduled to hit the stores in September.

It’s going to be called Luscious Pink by Mariah Carey.

Not just pink, but LUSCIOUS pink!

The new scent will have ‘notes of Tahitian tiare flower — just like the original M by Mariah Carey scent — but Mimi will change it up with a bouquet of lily of the valley, pink peony and a touch of white musk’.

Why a second perfume?

Mimi says, “Launching my first perfume was such an amazing experience that it has inspired me to expand my fragrance collection.”

We bet it will sell well at Sears!

[Image via Mavrix Online.]

Via [Perezhilton.com]

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Mariah Carey in Tokyo (6/1) Even though she’s worth roughly a kajillion dollars and none of them were invited to her and Nick Cannon’s wedding, Mariah Carey still wants wedding gifts from her friends. An insider told the New York Post: “Mariah’s assistant, Gina, sent out over 100 e-mails to her wealthy friends letting them know that […]

Mariah Carey in Tokyo (6/1)

Even though she’s worth roughly a kajillion dollars and none of them were invited to her and Nick Cannon’s wedding, Mariah Carey still wants wedding gifts from her friends. An insider told the New York Post:

“Mariah’s assistant, Gina, sent out over 100 e-mails to her wealthy friends letting them know that she’s registered at Bergdorf Goodman if they want to buy her a present. It’s odd because she’s not even having a big wedding party or anything. It was assumed they’d have a big celebration when they got back, but no. They just want the gifts.” On the list are “fine china, very expensive silver stemware” and other items. (Source)

They asked for presents from people they didn’t even invite? With that kind of behavior hopefully the “other items” Mariah and Nick registered for included “taste,” “class,” and “decorum.” And what do those two need from Bergdorf Goodman anyway? With Mariah’s penchant for emotional breakdowns, it would’ve made more sense if they had registered at Pfizer . . . or Planned Parenthood.*

*It’s the gift that keeps on giving.

[Getty]

Via [Celebslam]

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We hear from a Perezcious reader who attended the Toronto screening of Adam Sandler’s new movie, You Dont Mess With the Zohan, that Mariah Carey makes a fabulous, divalicious, self-deprecating appearance in the flick. Much more than just a cameo. In one scene, Mimi sings the national anthem in a low cut, boobalicious, hot pink […]

We hear from a Perezcious reader who attended the Toronto screening of Adam Sandler’s new movie, You Dont Mess With the Zohan, that Mariah Carey makes a fabulous, divalicious, self-deprecating appearance in the flick. Much more than just a cameo.

In one scene, Mimi sings the national anthem in a low cut, boobalicious, hot pink minidress for a hacky sack tourney and appears in another scene with her real life hair dresser, Lew Ablahani.

Mimoo, self deprecating? We gotta see it to believe it!

Wonder if her airbrusher worked with the peeps on the film’s editing crew?

[Image via Mavrix Online.]

Via [Perezhilton.com]

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Throwing a lamb to the wolves! A Florida man blaring a Mariah Carey song from his vehicle stereo was arrested Saturday night after throwing a bottle at someone who didn’t share his passion for Mimi. The Mariah-lover, Zachary Alan Schreiber of Golden Gate, FL, was stopped at a light when Mariah-hater William Greenman pulled up and […]

Throwing a lamb to the wolves!

A Florida man blaring a Mariah Carey song from his vehicle stereo was arrested Saturday night after throwing a bottle at someone who didn’t share his passion for Mimi.

The Mariah-lover, Zachary Alan Schreiber of Golden Gate, FL, was stopped at a light when Mariah-hater William Greenman pulled up and called Schreiber ‘a derogatory name’ for listening to Mimi.

We want to know which song was he blaring!

Profanities flew back and forth between Schreiber and Greenman, who was a passenger in the other vehicle, as the cars traveled on, authorities say.

When they again stopped the war of words escalated.

Deputies say Mariah looney Schreiber then hurled a beer bottle at Greenman. He’d beer in has vehicle???? Trouble!

Greenman ducked, but deputies state the bottle hit the car’s driver!

Schreiber is charged with shooting a missile into a automobile and criminal mischief.

A beer bottle is considered a missile??? Dayum!

Don’t mess with Mimi’s fans, y’all.

They’ll eff you up!

Via [Perezhilton.com]

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From new husbands of Mariah Carey to new fiancees of Matt Grant, here’s a look at who said what in the world of entertainment this week. Remember to visit our section of celebrity quotes for every utterance… Nick Cannon [on marriage]: It’s a beautiful thing. It’s a beautiful situation … carrying on and on each day. Syesha […]

From new husbands of Mariah Carey to new fiancees of Matt Grant, here’s a look at who said what in the world of entertainment this week. Remember to visit our section of celebrity quotes for every utterance…

Nick Cannon [on marriage]: It’s a beautiful thing. It’s a beautiful situation … carrying on and on each day.

Syesha Mercado [following her American Idol elimination]: I don’t know what to say. I just want to say thank you.

Angelina Jolie: I’m very happy. Unlike most women, I love being pregnant… You just feel like everything about your body is there for your baby.

DeAnna Pappas: I cannot date someone who smokes. That’s a definite no-no. If he’s wishy-washy and doesn’t know what he wants, that’s another no-no. Anything else, I’m pretty open to.

Lauren Bosworth: It’s disheartening to see me turn into such a bad guy on the show.

Brody Jenner: I love Spencer and I have always said that. It’s not about any animosity towards each other.

Jessica Alba: I never believed women had to be virgins when they got married, or that a woman has to fall in love with a guy just because they’re having sex. I don’t think sex is a big deal. I hated the hypocrisy of it. Men can do whatever, and it’s acceptable.

Shayne Lamas: There’s still a lot of growing to do in our relationship. We will not tie the knot until I am mentally and physically prepared as well as Matt.

Via [thehollywoodgossip]

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Steven Spielberg’s latest film, “Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull” starring Harrison Ford and Shia LaBeouf will premiere at Cannes Film Festival 2008.Mariah Carey and new hubby Nick Cannon rented out Six Flags Magic Mountain theme park in Valencia, CA. for a “celebratory post-wedding” bash? Ashley Olsen finds a new man. Reese Witherspoon and Jake Gyllenhaal getting marr…

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Tila Tequila Has A New Project. Tori Spelling might join Jennie Garth on the 90210 spin off show on cw? Funky Bunch coming back without Mark Wahlberg? Charlie Sheen wants donations for her wedding. Heather Mills doesnt deliver legs. Mariah Carey a diva? Latest news in Hollywood.

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