When she’s not single-handedly destroying the image of a Dallas-based brewery, Jessica Simpson likes to take time out from her busy schedule to snoop through Tony Romo’s cell phone which is how she knew his ex Carrie Underwood was lying when she recently said Tony still calls her. You bagged yourself a keeper, Tony. NY Daily News reports:

“Tony and I both laughed at that,” Simpson told Nashville radio station 107.5 The River. “We got a chuckle out of it.”
Underwood’s comments are “definitely” not true, Simpson stated. So … how does she know this?
“I looked at his call log.”

I wanted to state something about Jessica Simpson’s flagrant display of cattiness, but frankly, I’m impressed she not only knows how to operate a cell phone but didn’t swallow it in the process. It’s like, you want to be mad, but at the same time “Wow!”

Via [Thesuperficial]

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Apparently during Heidi Montag’s interview with Ryan Seacrest she claimed to still be a virgin. Chins McJugs has a hymen? Hilarious! Scope out this load of crap via Hollyscoop:

Speidi talked about how Heidi is “still a virgin” and how religious she is, insisting that her “next album is going to be a Christian one.”
“We don’t sin over here,” said Spencer. Who added that they place “pillows in between” them at night so they’re not tempted to have sex.

But Hollyscoop immediately caught Heidi in her bullshit when they found an old episode of The Hills where she has a pregnancy scare:

In the episode Heidi tells Spencer, “I took a pregnancy test,” but assured him that it turned out negative. Last we checked, if you’re a virgin, you wouldn’t need to take a pregnancy test. Sources tell Hollyscoop that “It’s just another PR stunt for them to gain more press for her album.”

No, you know what? I want the pregnancy scare to be fake and the virginity claim to be the real deal. Nothing would bring me more joy than knowing Spencer Pratt poses for these retarded pictures then goes home to hump a pillow. Now there’s a shining example of God’s existence. I’ve seen the light!

Via [Thesuperficial]

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Ricky Martin is apparently the dad of twin boys. Unmarried, ungirflriended Ricky Martin. Turns out he decided to rock the ol’ rent a uterus and had a surrogate mom deliver him a pair of sons. The AP reports:

“The children, delivered via gestational surrogacy, are healthy and already under Ricky’s full-time care,” stated the statement. “Ricky is elated to start this new chapter in his life as a parent and will be spending the remainder of the year out of the public spotlight in order to spend time with his kids.”
A representative said there was no further information on the details of the children’s birth.

Ricky Martin, much like Clay Aiken, has been constantly plagued by rumors that he’s gay. And, much like Clay Aiken, he chose the absolute worst possible route to dispel those rumors. What did these two sit in a room together and spitball ideas on how to look straight? RICKY: We could maybe make love to the strippers, no? CLAY: I dunno if that’ll work, Ricky… RICKY: How ’bout if we impregnate a woman? CLAY: Wait… that’s it. We’ll impregnate women! But without touching their vaginas. My God, it’s perfect. RICKY: Why would we not touch the vagina? What’s wrong with vagina? CLAY: Christ, man, have you ever see one before? I hear they not only have teeth but can see into a man’s soul. RICKY: I’ll get the test tubes.

Via [Thesuperficial]

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British model/actress Kelly Brook decided to celebrate her recent split from Billy Zane by hitting up Saint-Tropez and posing in a bikini. I guarantee I could probably roll up on Kelly and woo her by simply saying “Did you notice all my hair? It’s on my head.” She’d be like putty in my hands - which I would then mold into giant breasts because, dammit, I love romance.

Via [Thesuperficial]

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Season 4 of the The Hills premieres tonight, and to further accentuate the continued decline of civilization, Heidi Montag has released a new single “Overdosin’” which sounds exactly like her previous single “Fashion”. I’m pretty sure Heidi Montag is just sitting in a recording booth saying words. No, scratch that. I don’t want to give this thing more credit than it’s due. Anyway, Heidi explained the meaning of her latest abortion to Ryan Seacrest this morning:

“‘Overdosin” is about “when you fall in love with someone… and [you’re] just overdosing off of their love.”

Now, if only Heidi and Spencer would overdose off each other’s love - or heroin. I’m cool either way. Audio after the jump.

Via [Thesuperficial]

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Dita Von Teese shows off her new line of lingerie that she designed for Wonderbra. It’s meant to be worn all day under your normal clothes because apparently Dita wants all you ladies to be slutty superheroes. Finally, a cause I have the ability to support! In the meantime, here are the details from Marie Claire UK:

‘I love it when you can go about your daily business with the knowledge that you’ve a tiny secret of your own on underneath. Lingerie shouldn’t be something you just put on for your lover; you should do it for you. It’s not about seducing men, it’s about embracing womanhood.’

Of course, what superior way to embrace womanhood than by seducing men. Just sayin’.

Via [Thesuperficial]

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A surprisingly immune to overdose Amy Winehouse went on her daily drinking binge last night and in the process managed to assault an innocent bystander. Apparently an older woman was concerned for Amy’s health and stopped to talk to her. Fearing that her drugs might be in danger, Amy’s survival instincts kicked in, according to The Sun:

Amy lashed out at the middle-aged woman – giving her a hard slap and screaming: “Let f***ing go of me, d***head.”
As she walked away, Amy carried on shouting at her victim, calling her a “f***ing bitch”.

Amy then swiftly scaled a fire escape where she attempted to breast feed a bag of crack. British authorities are calling it “the most heinous act of terror since that time Amy peed on a fire hydrant.” Thanks to Helena who reminds everyone that Amy Winehouse won’t enter your home unless you invite her in. Also, she can’t cross bodies of water so, HA, England! In your face!

Via [Thesuperficial]

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These are shots of bikini models at the Hotel Bondi 08/09 Swim Show taking place in Sydney, Australia. What’s this got to do with anything? Bikini. Do I even know any of these girls’ names? Not even one. Are they of age? Uhhh, sure! Do I deserve a Pulitzer for this? Yes, all of them. How slow of a news day is it? It was either these or more “Katie Holmes is pregnant” speculation. Damn, I chose wisely! I know.

Via [Thesuperficial]

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Olympic athlete and women’s volleyball competitor Kerri Walsh has wisely decided her ass is a veritable weapon in the fight against HIV/AIDS infection. I want everyone to know I’m “behind” this cause. Hi-OH! But, no, seriously, if I make a donation do I at least get to touch the butt and/or bounce a quarter off it? What if I just sort of run past it and graze it with my hand? I’m willing to post date as many checks as it takes to get this thing done. You know, because I care deeply about whatever it is your cause was again. Sea lions?

Via [Thesuperficial]

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These are bikini photos of British model and Television personality Liz Fuller. I’m also convinced Liz is secretly a Transfomer. One minute she’s a decent looking model, but then the next she looks like your best friend’s middle-aged mom who you really wish would put some clothes on because, seriously, it was a one time thing, Mrs. Geekologie. Who am I kidding? I can’t quit you!

Via [Thesuperficial]

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