Halle Berry is Esquire’s Sexiest Woman Alive, 2008. Check out her pictorial by photographer Cliff Watts which sort of makes me regret pummeling print journalism with an iron fist. Well, that, and it’s not like I have the ability to take my laptop in the can. Or maybe… UPDATE: Two laptops and a case of pink eye later, I have the ability to safely conclude magazines still serve a vital function in society. You may now call me “Savior,” field of journalism.

Via [Thesuperficial]

Share This

Share This

• 0 Comments

Sarah Silverman and Jimmy Kimmel have reunited after getting chased out of their respective villages with torches, People reports:

“They’re taking it slow,” says a source. “They’re on the road back to being together again.”
The comedians, who ended their five-year relationship in July, have recently been spotted on dates on both coasts.

So, to paraphrase: Two people started having really hairy sex again.

Via [Thesuperficial]

Share This

Share This

• 0 Comments

David Duchovny is out of rehab for sex addiction after he checked himself for allegedly cheating on Tea Leoni. People reports:

David Duchovny has checked out of a rehabilitation center for sex addiction, according to his lawyer, Stanton “Larry” Stein.
“David is out of rehab and about to begin a new motion picture,” Stein tells PEOPLE. “He successfully completed his treatment.”

Why am I starting to regret sending David a congratulatory erotic cake? Oh, crap, it just hit me: I forgot to send a card with it. That’s just ignorant. Seriously, I’m humiliated.

Via [Thesuperficial]

Share This

Share This

• 0 Comments

Jodie Marsh continued her silicon-fueled rampage through the English celebrity scene by attending soccer player Jermaine Defoe’s birthday celebration Sunday night. Wait, I didn’t know she did birthdays. She’d go perfect with my whiskey out of a brown bag at the strip club theme. Now, if only I could find Jodie in the Yellow Pages. Hmm… here we go: Right underneath “F” for “Funbags the Clown.” NOTE: Third photo links to NSFW version that could be considered hot - if you’re oddly aroused by Frankenstein.

Via [Thesuperficial]

Share This

Share This

• 0 Comments

David Spade, who somehow dated Heather Locklear in 2006 (Damn his hobbit magic!), texted her shortly after her recent DUI arrest to lend his support, according to People:

“I think things get blown out a lot of proportion,” stated Spade. “She’s always solid and always a great person. And I think people understand she’s in a tough situation and she does her ideal.”

That’s nice. Because right after you get arrested for DUI you want to be reminded you dated David Spade. Jesus, while you’re at it, you might as well call her fat then insult her cooking.

Via [Thesuperficial]

Share This

Share This

• 0 Comments

In an unexpected Friday surprise, I got a hold of some Beyonce Knowles bikini pics. I gotta admit though, they’re a tad anticlimactic considering she usually errs on the side of smokin’ hot. It’s like unwrapping a Wii on Christmas morning, but inside the box isn’t Beyonce’s butt. Curse you, Claus!

Via [Thesuperficial]

Share This

Share This

• 0 Comments

Adnan Ghalib is changing his tune about the existence of a Britney Spears sex tape. He issued the following denial to Star yesterday:

“There is no sex tape,” Adnan tells Star exclusively, “and I’ve never claimed there’s one.”
“I don’t know where these quotes I’m supposed to have said have come from,” says Adnan. “What I do know is they certainly didn’t come from me and they’re completely false. I’m extremely upset and distressed and I’m taking legal action… This story has caused a lot of injured to my family and people close to me.”
“There is no sex tape,” he continues. “That is the end of the matter.”

However, The Sun reports Adnan was close to a multi-million dollar deal with a porn site until Britney’s lawyers stepped in with their own offer to close him up:

But now she’s staged a remarkable comeback, Britney is willing to part with as much of her own money as it takes to keep the tape off the market and the focus on her upcoming world tour.
A pal told a newspaper: “Her lawyers have been working overtime. They’ve been told to do whatever it takes to stop the video making it onto the World wide web.”

It’s looking like Britney’s sex tape will never see the light of day which isn’t exactly a bad thing. I mean, c’mon, it’s not care about it was filmed now when she looks awesome. It was filmed during the crazy, five Frappucinos a day, pink wig-wearing times of yore. Honestly, who would watch that? Besides me and anyone else with a penis.

Via [Thesuperficial]

Share This

Share This

• 0 Comments

In this “parody” video, Jessica Alba continues her self-righteous quest to encourage people who think The Hills is real to vote. It also features a muzzled Hayden Panettiere which, I’ll admit, nearly made me feel like I was falling in love again for the very first time. Until I remembered celebrity political ads are the equivalent of Michael J. Fox performing a vasectomy: They both end with your brain getting stabbed by someone famous. Via [Thesuperficial]

Share This

Share This

• 0 Comments

Here are shots of Lindsay Lohan and Samantha Ronson’s third day in Mexico. All I’m saying is, would it kill them to go to a nude beach for a change? And by them I mean just Lindsay. Sam can go to the beekeeper’s outfit beach. Or, I dunno, stab a bunch of guys in the crotch with a swordfish. Whatever it is lesbians like to do for fun at the shore. Go nuts.

Via [Thesuperficial]

Share This

Share This

• 0 Comments

I don’t know how to state this, so I’m just going to come right out with it: I’m no longer harboring a secret crush towards you. I’m sorry if I’ve just shattered your world as you know it. Really I am. And if it makes you feel any better, it’s not you (Or your terrible acting on this season’s Heroes.) You’ve done nothing wrong (Except, again, the acting.) It’s me. I’ve changed. And, while we’re being honest, I think you should know there’s someone else. It’s Mila Kunis. I mean, have you seen her lately? Who knew she had cleavage? That’s like finding out there’s two Christmases, and one of them has boobs. On the other hand, there’s you, sweet Hayden and, well, let’s be frank: Nobody knows what’s going on there (I’ve talked to physicians.). For a while I was convinced you had breasts, but it’s time to admit I was only fooling myself. A lot. Like at least once a day if not twice. And sometimes - you know what? I’m getting off track. I hope things don’t get weird between us. If you ever wear a bikini or flash some beave, I want you to know, I’ll still write a post about it. That’s what friends do. But I’m afraid this is our last goodbye. Feel free to let yourself out. Or walk through the doggy door one final time before I nail it shut. Which, I hope you’ll agree, is for the ideal. Goodbye, my love. Goodbye. - - Is she gone? I can never tell. JESUS CHRIST! She was behind a shoe. I mean, hey there, beautiful princess…

Via [Thesuperficial]

Share This

Share This

• 0 Comments