Angelina Jolie wasn’t knocked up with twins by way of Brad Pitt’s penis. Instead, she went with in vitro fertilization because nobody puts Angelina in a corner, not even nature! Unless nature looks like Billy Bob Thornton then maybe. Us Weekly reports:

“They conceived through in vitro fertilization,” a well-placed source within their camp tells Us. “They both desperately wanted more babies soon.”
The chance of having fraternal twins at Angelina’s age (33) naturally is under 1 percent; with in vitro, the chances are 25 percent.
The actress chose the procedure (which can cost around $12,000 a pop) so “she wouldn’t have to deal with the stress of trying to get pregnant,” the source tells Us. “She could just knock it out.”

Wow. Is Brad Pitt even having sex with Angelina Jolie? Or is he locked in a room every night with a copy of Gia and some test tubes? Some guys have all the luck.

Via [Thesuperficial]

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Amy Winehouse, for who the hell knows what reason, has been immortalized in wax at Madame Tussauds in London. Her parents Mitch and Janis stopped by for the unveiling sans Amy which prompted Mitch to ask Janis “Why couldn’t you have had a wax baby? I want a divorce.” The AP reports:

The singer’s parents, Mitch and Janis Winehouse, attended the unveiling, but the 24-year-old soul diva didn’t. Her dad said she was working and would see the waxwork in the next few weeks.
“This is the reward for her musical accomplishments and her talent,” Mitch Winehouse said, adding the model bears an “incredible” likeness to his daughter.

For even further authenticity, the statue was rolled around the inside of a dumpster out back. These people don’t fuck around.

Via [Thesuperficial]

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Here’s musician James Blunt and Gary Dourdan (CSI) in Spain doing exactly what I’d be doing if I had cash pouring out my nostrils: Partying on a boat with topless chicks. Of course, I’d take it one step further by installing a torpedo launcher that I’d fire at dolphins, the smug bastards of the sea. Who’s the smart one now, fin ass?! Fire one! …. Where’s the “boom”? What do you mean I can’t load the tube with hand guns and steak knives? NOTE: Photos link to NSFW unless you run a travel bureau that specializes in exciting nipple-loaded destinations. In which case, what’s your most inexpensive package? I’ve got roughly $5.30 and these magic beans. Okay, they’re Raisinets.

Via [Thesuperficial]

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Kim Kardashian went jewelry shopping yesterday, and she has definitely moved past simple butt padding by going straight to shoving a sawed in half globe down her ass. Jesus. That’s not even hot unless I was a perverted cartographer. Which I’m not anymore ever since they kicked me off the “Map to Pussytown” project. That was my life’s work, you jerks!

Via [Thesuperficial]

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After photos of him and a topless Sienna Miller emerged, actor Balthazar Getty decided to wait a full week to announce he and his wife have been separated. Maybe he digs the asshole vibe, I dunno. Here’s the statement Balthazar issued to the press via Us Magazine:

“The breakdown of a marriage is a very difficult and painful experience especially when kids are involved,” Getty wrote. “In light of the fact that many photos have surfaced in print and on the World wide web which has caused myself and my family great embarrassment, I felt it necessary to at least acknowledge publicly that yes indeed my wife and I’ve separated and I will not be commenting any further.”

What’s so difficult about telling your kids that Mommy keeps a cold wedding bed? My father told me all the time. Sure, I was only two, but I’d throw my blocks at the oven to let him know I knew where he was coming from. I turned out just fine. *whips mouse at intern* Sorry your boyfriend left you!

Via [Thesuperficial]

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Natalie Portman plays a Bollywood princess in the video for her boyfriend Devendra Banhart’s new single “Carmensita.” WARNING: I hope you like pubes and speaks of “sacred teats.” That said, this thing kicks the shit out of the Star Wars prequels, but then again, pretty much 99% of YouTube does. With the exception of Tron Guy. Just kidding! That dude is Jesus. Thanks to Bre for the video which has me convinced I accidentally put mescaline in my coffee again. Video after the jump.

Via [Thesuperficial]

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Sports model Gabrielle Reece is seen here vacationing in St. Tropez, France with husband surf guru Laird John Hamilton. I have the ability to tell Gabrielle just had a baby - and not because she’s holding one. (Okay, that helped.) In the meantime, ladies, if you want an idea of what I like look like, I’m built exactly like Laird here. Except more buff and Tiffany jewelry shoots out of my pecs.

Via [Thesuperficial]

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Khloe Kardashian checked out The Dark Knight at The Grove Saturday and enjoyed the general bliss that comes from ducking 30 days in jail for DUI. I can tell by the remorseful look on her face, Khloe’s learned a lesson: Kardashians make the law their bitch. Well, I’ll show them. I’m going to get blitzed off my face then drive around their neighborhood. Yeah, this plan is genius. *starts chugging* UPDATE: Dude, Geekologist, I’m telling you this plan will completely instruct these people a lesson. What people? I dunno, somebody. I wrote it down on a napkin. Huh? I didn’t puke on my shirt. You puked on your shirt. At your mom’s house - with Chevy Chase riding a lawnmower. BURN! UPDATE: Yum yum yummy I’ve got Jager in my tummy, yum yum I’m feeling like nachos. UPDATE: Stop the press, who is that? This, this tree of a woman. A mighty red oak of breasts and timber thighs. I would totally hit tha- SHIT NUTS! I looked at her face. *shakes head* Hey, I’m completely 100% sober. How’d that happen? And why is there a tongue print on my monitor in front of Khloe Kardashian? As God as my witness, I’m never drinking again. UPDATE: Wait, I’m an atheist. To the Beer Cave! *crawls under desk*

Via [Thesuperficial]

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Britney Spears surprised guests by showing up to the Generation Rescue autism fundraiser thrown by Jenny McCarthy. Nobody knows how or why Britney was there. Until they remembered Jim Carrey sprang for a custom burrito bar. Of course! At that point, everyone quietly nodded as if to say “If I see vulva, I’m throwing elbows all the way to the fire exit.” Us Magazine reports:

As guests like McCarthy’s beau and Charlie Sheen and wife Brooke Mueller made the rounds, Spears, 26, sipped on red wine.
Carrey’s daughter Jane also belted out a few Frank Sinatra and Jackson 5 tunes.
Spears, 26, “definitely looked happy,” a witness tells Usmagazine.com. “She was clapping and smiling a lot.”

What was Britney so happy about? Someone told her vaccinating your children is bad. Awesome! She doesn’t even know what that means! Finally, Britney’s parenting skills were paying off. Then she realized she left Sean in the automobile with the keys - but didn’t leave a $20 for the Wendy’s drive-thru. Sonofabitch. “This is exactly why banks should let toddlers have debit cards,” she thought while stuffing burritos in her bra.

Via [Thesuperficial]

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Here’s something you don’t see everyday: Claire Danes wearing a bikini. She’s vacationing in Italy with boyfriend Hugh Dancy, and it looks like she’s having a relaxing time tanning, taking photos and reading a book spread eagle which would be hot if I didn’t just spend the past hour looking for her breasts with a magnifying glass. Are they under the beach chair? I don’t get it.

Via [Thesuperficial]

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