Morgan Freeman and his wife of 24 years are getting a divorce. The news hit just days after the actor was pulled out of his automobile with the jaws of life along with a female passenger. Pimpin’ ain’t simple. (I blame the cataracts.) Access Hollywood reports:

Freeman and his wife of 24-years, costumer Myrna Colley-Lee, “are involved in a divorce action,” the actor’s Mississippi-based attorney and business partner Bill Luckett told Access Hollywood. “And for legal and practical purposes, [Freeman and Colley-Lee] have been separated since December of 2007.”

Man, I hope when I’m 71, I’ll be picking up chicks and surviving insane automobile crashes. Which will be really amazing considering we’ll have flying cars by then. So, yeah, in your face, Freeman!

Via [Thesuperficial]

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Jennifer Aniston’s biological clock kicked into overdrive this week after seeing Brad Pitt in People magazine with his gaggle of kids. Apparently, she’s ready to let her uterus be a vessel for John Mayer’s offspring and prove she’s not a barren witch that lives in a gingerbread home. It’s made of graham crackers. Star reports.

The 39-year-old actress feels that after all she has been through watching Brad and Angie’s family grow, she’d love Brad to see photos of her holding her own baby and show him she’s not the self-centered girl he’d made her out to be.
“It’s my turn now,” she told a friend. And Jen believes the rocker is perfect daddy material.
“Jen feels so strongly that John is ‘the one,’ ” says a source. “She knows he has the ability to handle being a father.”

Nothing like having a child out of spite. Because that’ll really teach Angelina Jolie a lesson and not fuck the kid up for life. Then again, Jennifer Aniston with prego boobs? Hmm…. The Superficial wishes John and Jennifer the ideal of luck in their endeavor and would like to point out you can’t get pregnant reading this site (yet), so get crackin’. And, John, no showboating; this is serious business, so it’d probably be ideal if you left your guitar in its case. Harmonica too.

Via [Thesuperficial]

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British singer Lily Allen flashed the paparazzi her boob this day while getting out of her vehicle. Hey, tit happens, I absolutely understand. Those things pay my bills. But here’s what I don’t get: Later on, Lily does it again only this time with the other one! Jesus, lady. There’s an old saying: Boob me once, shame on you. Boob me twice, I’m gonna keep looking because, honestly, I’ve got nothing better to do, and I’m a dude. NOTE: Pics link to NSFW versions, so you might need a lookout.

Via [Thesuperficial]

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Here’s photos of The Bachelorette star DeAnna Pappas in a bikini washing her vehicle with fiancee Guy ThatShouldGetOutOfTheFreakingFrameSeriously. Is this really news? Is DeAnna Pappas even a celebrity? Are bikinis the answer to world peace? These questions and more that I probably won’t answer later today on The Superficial. Also, penis jokes! Stay tuned.

Via [Thesuperficial]

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Paris Hilton in a bathing suit threatening to run for office. Awesome. Not only do I now have eye herpes, but I’m forced to live in fear of a dystopian future where Paris Hilton shapes our country’s political discourse. FunnyOrDie folks, that’s the complete opposite of funny. So how does this work: Does she die now or do I? Frankly, I’m cool either way at this point.

Via [Thesuperficial]

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This is Spanish actress/model Paz Vega (Spanglish) chilling in a bikini while playing with her son at the beach. If you’ll excuse me, I’m going to quietly hope her husband gets eaten by a shark and she realizes she can only find comfort in the arms of a man who writes with such passion and intensity he has to be hung like a Clydesdale. Then, when that guy dumps her, I’ll make my move.

Via [Thesuperficial]

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Verne Troyer (a.k.a. Mini-Me) is suing his ex-girlfriend and sex tape co-star Ranae Shrider. Mini-Me claims she literally tossed his ass around like a rag doll, and he’s seeking $20 million in damages, according to TMZ:

Verne’s killer lawyer, Ed McPherson, tells TMZ, “When you pick up a 2′8″ human being and throw him to the floor, it hurts.”
In the lawsuit, Troyer basically says the chick terrorized him, once picked the lock to his bedroom door, pushing away a 100 pound scooter that was used to block the door, and then throwing him to the floor.”

“When you pick up a 2′8″ human being and throw him to the floor, it hurts.” BFFFFFT! And there went my coffee. That stated, anyone else get the impression Ranae works at a daycare?

Via [Thesuperficial]

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Paris Hilton’s mom Kathy Hilton is effin’ pissed about the John McCain ad using Paris’ image to attack Barack Obama. In a surprising move considering she’s a McCain campaign supporter, Kathy wrote the following blog entry for left-wing website The Huffington Post:

I’ve been asked again and again for my response to the now infamous McCain celebrity ad. I actually have three responses. It is a complete waste of the money John McCain’s contributors have donated to his campaign. It is a complete waste of the country’s time and attention at the very moment when millions of people are losing their homes and their jobs. And it is a totally frivolous way to select the next President of the United Says.

I can’t believe I’m saying this, but Kathy Hilton’s right: This is a frivolous way to pick the next President of the United States. We should make them compete on American Gladiators. Video after the jump in case you missed it last week.

Via [Thesuperficial]

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Hey, remember this guy? Sam Lutfi a.k.a. Douchebeard McDrugYourDrinks. Well, it turns out the restraining order requiring him to stay 250 yards away from Britney Spears expires today. The order will not be renewed, but Britney’s lawyer issued the following public statement to Douchebeard letting him know what the fuck’s up. The AP reports:

“Britney has made clear to everyone that she does not want to be further harassed or contacted in any way by Osama ‘Sam‘ Lutfi, now or at anytime in the future,” Spears’ attorney Samuel D. Ingham III said in a statement to The Associated Press.
“During the temporary conservatorship, the conservators have the power to insure that Lutfi will not harm Britney anymore. If Mr. Lutfi makes any future attempt to contact Britney after the temporary conservatorship has concluded, Britney has made clear she’ll take all appropriate legal action.”

Did Britney really make it clear she’ll “take all appropriate legal action”? I doubt she knows what one of those words even mean. Here’s a more likely scenario: “If Mr. Lutfi attempts to contact Britney, Britney will take actions including, but not limited to, sticking a bucket of KFC over her head then running into a wall. Britney also reserves the right to state ‘Whoop whoop whoop whoop!’ prior to impact.”

Via [Thesuperficial]

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These are shots of Spanish model Nereida Gallardo topless in Ibiza. You may remember Nereida from the bikini shots a few weeks back when she was vacationing with soccer star Cristiano Ronaldo - who just dumped her on her ass. Some state she’s prancing around topless to show him what he’s missing. While others state she’s just demonstrating Europeans less puritanical view of nudity. Allow me to provide my educated assessment: Whoopee! NOTE: Photos link to NSFW versions. But, seriously, who needs a job when you can look at nipples? Words to live by, folks.

Via [Thesuperficial]

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