Michael Jackson, donned in pajama pants and a tuxedo jacket (Still got it!), made an uncommon public appearance yesterday at Planet Hollywood in preparation for his 50th birthday party. That’s right, this is what a 50-year-old black man is supposed to look like. So, I dunno what Samuel L. Jackson is doing to himself, but it can’t be healthy. Thanks to Abbi who tricked me into thinking this was Katie Holmes. Ha! I know where you live… EDIT: Added a computer-generated pic of what Michael Jackson would look like at 50 if he had never met Elizabeth Taylor and decided “Holy poop, I just found the perfect look.” Thanks to James.
These are shots of British reality Television star Jodie Marsh at the premiere of Daylight Robbery. Jodie is apparently the scourge of the English celebrity scene and likes to show up at red carpet events in Spandex. Think Andy Dick but with gigantor boobs. That said, don’t tell me this isn’t Britney Spears in 10 years. I mean, just looking at that pouch, I’m convinced this actually is her sent back from the future to warn us about something. But what? Terminators? Global Warming? Heidi Montag? Tell us, Future Britney with Implants! I swear I’ll make eye contact - sort of.
Elisabetta Gregoraci continues her summer of digging gold in a bikini. There’s just something about Itailan Wonderbra models. Once you’ve seen one, you’ve seen not almost enough and want to continually stare at her while praying to the World wide web gods she’ll jump out of your screen. Sure, to do sexy stuff, but would it kill her to make a sandwich? UPDATE: It did. Whoops! Gonna need a shower curtain. Italians are a calm, understanding people with a distaste for revenge, right? Okay, good.
Tara Reid proves that clothing lines do, in fact, grow on trees
27 Aug
Posted by admin as Latest News
Tara Reid showed off her clothing line “Mantra” at the When I Move You Move show in Las Vegas yesterday. Between Tara and Heidi Montag I can only assume they’re handing out clothing lines to anyone with a pulse. I should get in on this action. I’ll call my line “Buy this Crap.” It’ll be bold, daring and everything yet nothing at the same time. (Read: Whatever the children at the sweat shop can throw together - then embroider with puppies.)
Paris Hilton unveiled her latest product “The Bandit” this weekend which is, surprisingly, not a giant vibrator shaped like the Hamburglar. I’m as shocked as you are. That said, these launch photos will no doubt be the smoking gun in the mysterious case of “Holy crap, my pee is burning me.”
Charlie Sheen’s done it again. “Bullseye Johnson” has knocked up another wife within just weeks of the wedding. Because nothing bonds a really weird, old actor and the bride who thinks he has money together like an immediate pregnancy. *sigh* OK! Magazine reports:
“Brooke informed me two days ago that very soon we’d be producing our own version of Two-and-a-Half Men,’” recalls the Emmy-winning actor, who is already the father to three daughters, Cassandra, 13, Samantha, 4, and 3-year-old Lola. “That would imply it’s a boy, so until we know, we’ll refer to it as ‘Two-and-a-Half People.’ We’re beyond happy to be new parents together.”
Charlie Sheen knows you can pull out, right? Just sayin’.
After the infamous Slightly Exposed Back-gate, formerly-exiled Miley Cyrus has been welcomed back into the Disney fold. They missed their little cash cow who lays golden Faberge eggs in a diamond bucket. So much so that they’re allowing Miley to hold her 16th birthday celebration in public at Disneyland, according to Entertainment Tonight:
The “Hannah Montana” star is also sharing the spotlight during the private party with some deserving young people from Youth Service America who’ve been making a difference in their communities.
And ET has learned that Miley’s fans are going to be able to join in the fun too! A limited number of $250 tickets to the exclusive event, “Miley’s Sweet 16 — Share the Party,” go on sale on August 30 at 9am PDT.
So, essentially, Miley Cyrus has to work on her Sweet 16. Cute. Goddammit, Disney, this is exactly the kind of thing that ends in me seeing crazy Southern vagina. I still sleep with the lights on from the last ti- AH! What was that? Phew, it’s just a McMuffin. I’m safe. I’m in a happy place. Breathe deep; happy place…
